Lets Talk about that....
In the 1960's a tornado of change ripped through our nation with slogans such as Free Love. The root of this idea was to free women from their confined roles as mothers and house wives so they could peruse other options if they pleased as well as use their bodies in a fashion they saw fit. However from those roots the sexual revolution of the 60's nursed a whole mess of growths that ended with massive orgies, sex in public, and having sex with anyone and everyone. It brought forth the idea of sex without commitment of any kind and that that was actually ok even preferred. The 60's encouraged men to stop stepping up to the plate as men had been expected to, but instead it urged them to get a girl naked, have a night of "making love" then take their leave and move on to their next partner. The 60's encouraged women to no longer treat their bodies as something to be prized and earned by a man but something to throw at men walking by on the street, and to toss them into bed with any willing man with working parts. This was all in the name of giving women their freedom from the oppression of a patriarchal society that had women in a box and wouldn't let them breath.
I agree that women were shut down and choked into submission by society as a whole and that did need to change. Women have proven that they can be assets in the business world, they have the mind and drive to compete in the entrepreneurial field, and they have proven they are up for a turn at the legal and political table. But that is where any support I might express for the revolution of the 60's ends.
There might be people out there wondering what got my knickers in a twist about this whole subject. Well I'll tell you. Yesterday we went to Steven's Grandparent's 50th anniversary and I was just blessed to talk to so many couples that had spent 40, 50 even 60 years together. These couples admitted that marriage wasn't always pretty and that they had thought about quitting a time or two but in the end they were so glad they had stuck it out. Amazing. Then today Steven and I watched Think Like A Man in the afternoon. I actually love that movie because it makes so many good points about modern day relationships. I laughed and so did Steven but about 70% of the way through the movie something started to eat at me a little.
I'll set up the scene for you a tad. The movie revolves around a book that helps women understand men and helps them with their relationship issues. So five women start to take its advice and challenge their men to face their issues. One woman has the problem of sleeping with men (and it is spelled out that that is the expected norm) and then having them ditch out on her after. She employs the "90 day rule" that the book suggests to show that she has standards and she is more than just a "sports fish". She wants to prove that she is girlfriend material, "a keeper". She refuses to get into the car if the guy doesn't open the door for her and she doesn't invite him in for more than just coffee.
The guy over and over again talks to his buddies how he just wants to get some and get out. he doesn't want to have a relationship, especially not one without sex! so he turns the game on her after he and his buddies find out about this "game plan" book. He calls her his girlfriend then he tells her he loves her and that cracks her and she gives up "the cookie". she sleeps with him...then she finds the book in his room and sees what he underlined then this is part of the conversation that ensues...
Boy: So I'm the villain, and you didn't even have the guts to tell me that I was on a 90-day probation.
Girl: I was gonna tell you.
Boy: Were you gonna tell me?
Girl: Yes, I was gonna tell you. But then, I thought I might amend it. 'Cause I thought you might actually be the one. So, was any of it real? Any of it? The wining, the dining? Calling me your girlfriend? Or was that all just to get the cookie?
Boy just looks at her with no response
Girl: Wow. You win, congratulations. You got it, right? You won.
What's my point? The fact that what he did in this movie is totally normal and even expected in today's day and age. The 60's encouraged men to be this way and now women encourage them to act this way still. But why? Why do women think its empowering to encourage men to objectify them in clubs and bars? Why do women claim that showing off their bodies is simply what makes them comfortable and nothing more? Why do women lie to themselves and everyone else around them saying that sex isn't that big of a deal and then give it out like candy? How can women then expect men to want more than a quick "hit and run"? It baffles me. Don't get me wrong, I had my moments of being that woman. I was losing weight and I felt good and I wore a short short skirt, super high heels, and a shirt that was way too tight for me. I danced around in clubs like I had nothing to lose, thrusting, and moving like all I was missing was a pole...and sadly this was when I was already engaged with a man who loved me and treated me right. I watched girls let men dance with them like they were having sex right there on the dance floor. I heard girls talk about hooking up with guys they just met and I then watched girls drink themselves into a mess and then cry about how this guy they've been sleeping with for two weeks slept with another girl he met at a bar.
Why did female empowerment turn into who can wear the more scandalous clothing and defend it? Why can't we wear great looking clothing that isn't laying it all out on a platter for every man to oggle over and still know we look great? Why can't we take a deep breath and hold our sexuality back not because our mom told us so but because its so much power and it weeds out the duds? When women only hold sex back for 5 dates guys really don't have to work very hard at all if you think about it. Even if a girl waits 6 months its still not asking for a whole lot. Just think, not too long ago the majority of women would make a man wait till he stepped up, committed for life and only then he would get it. How did being sexually compatible become more important than respect?
Oh don't worry I know girls have needs, trust me. I am not immune or blind to exactly what those needs are and, oh my, how overwhelming they are. Even so, is self control so hard to come by? Also I understand that back in the day there were plenty of marriages that were terrible but society looked down on separation so much that people endured these situations. That isn't good either and I would never condone that. There are always those guys who refuse to be men and that is something we can't change no matter how much self control we have or how much we ask of them. But do you really think in today's day and age when men can watch sex for free on the internet, go find woman who are so insecure they will sleep with a man they hardly know and pay for sex on the corner of the shady streets that a boy who refuses to be a man will wait around for a girl who respects herself enough to keep a lid on it till there's commitment? Do we really think that we just want a casual thing with a guy when the great majority of what I have seen from women is that casual sex is the last thing they want? why do we do it? I know I wanted sex so much before I was married and I even considered just giving up on holding out. I get it. But I don't understand all the lies that women claim today now that they are sexually free. Seems to me that Free Love is anything but free.
